Have you ever gotten into a real funk? Like all of your friends are doing something. They're working or out of town and you're stuck at home. I hate the feeling of being alone, but I know I'm not alone. My friends haven't necessarily ditched me they're just busy and it's the holidays so obviously it's supposed to be family time. I've been in this funk way too many times. So this time I'm not going to let myself get back into the funk. I'm going to make plans and until those plans come through I'm going to blast some good music, do some chores, and then pamper myself. I mean everyone needs a break from people every once in a while right? I just need a night with the girls with some alcohol and I'll be good as new, but until then I'm not going to let myself feel bad. I'm just fine.

Have you ever just looked at yourself in the mirror and dissected every single thing about yourself and pointed out every individual flaw? No? Oh yeah me neither. I mean I wasn't literally just doing that or anything.

Today was one of those days that I was feeling pretty down. I felt fat and gross. So what did I do? Well, naturally this made me eat way too many mini powdered donuts.. Oh well tomorrow's another day.

I have always been the kind of person that cares too much. I've always cared what other people think about what I do, say, wear, and even think. This resulted in me being too afraid to actually put myself out there and talk to people. Well no more. I refuse to let other people control my life. I'm going to live for myself and God and that's it. The truth is no one cares. They may judge, but you're too unimportant for them to actually care about. So wear what you want, think what you want, and say whatever you want. Since I've learned that no one else cares about me, I'm also not going to care about anyone else. I'm going to let everyone do what they want. You want to ignore me? Fine. You want to treat me like crap? Fine. The only person that has the power to hurt you is the person you give that power to and I refuse to give that power to anyone. So I don't care anymore.

Have you ever met someone that was insanely selfish? Well if you haven't, lucky you. I'm not going to name names, but I literally do so much for this person. I drive them everywhere they have to go because they don't have a license, but it's like they expect it.  They're not grateful and I hate that. If I spend a bunch of my time doing something for you, say thank you. I don't expect much, but I do expect not to be yelled at and treated like crap while I am helping you out. Just remember that the next time someone is doing something for you, no matter what they're doing, you better show your gratitude or they'll start to resent you.

I've been the kind of person that says she's fat and thinks she's fat, but has never really felt fat. I will look in the mirror, while sucking in mind you, and think wow I'm not even that big how can the scale tell me otherwise? Then I'll go on Facebook and look at the wonderful pictures I've been tagged in. That's when I do feel fat. But then I tell myself no that's just the picture, the camera adds ten pounds right? And so the cycle continues.

I hate those fat people who can lose weight and then suddenly look like they've never even thought about eating cake before. Meanwhile no matter how skinny I get I'm always going to have my beautiful stretch marks to remind me that I was and am fat. No bikini for me.

Okay so this is my first time blogging. And I just want to be able to write anything that I think of somewhere. So this is probably going to be random because I don't know what I'm doing.