I think that feeling fat is one of the worst state's of mind that you can be in. And if you're fat, it's not like other addictions. You can't just cut food out of your life like you would cocaine if you were a coke addict. I'm not saying being fat is any worse or even close to being a drug addict, but food can be an addiction. It's an addiction that you have to deal with pretty much everyday for the rest of your life. So you try to fight your addiction. You try to eat healthy, but, for me at least, that never lasts long. Then you try not to eat as much and soon you're obsessed and borderline anorexic, and you start to feel smaller, I mean the lack of food has caused your stomach to flatten, so you look a little smaller. So you feel okay and start to eat again. This is where I normally eat way too much. I never thought I would get to the point where I've even thought of purging my food, but whenever I feel full, I feel absolutely disgusted with myself and I really want to purge, but I don't at least I haven't yet. I do sometimes spit out food if I realize I shouldn't be eating it. I guess the whole point of this was to say that being fat is hard. It's a real struggle and I wish that there will be a day when I can eat whatever I want and not worry about getting on the scale the next morning. I want to feel good about myself. I don't want to have food and weight and measurements and calories on my mind at all times, it gets overwhelming.